Worst. Day. Ever.

I hate goodbyes. Even if, like in my case, it's not really a goodbye, it's just a see ya later.. later as in like 2ish months, maybe. I couldn't help but think as I was sobbing to myself driving away from my boyfriend's house that nothing will ever be like it has been these past 2 years. Yeah, next summer he'll come home and things will be somewhat the same but the majority of the time I'll be, he'll be and my sister will be living whole new lives.. No more walking into your house after school everyday and seeing your parents or your dog or you cat welcoming you back home. When I moved here I always told myself that'd I'd never get attached to a place like this and I didn't, all I got attached to was being home. Home with my family, on squishy carpets and coffee colored walls. Which I guess I'll have to grow out of in the next year seeing as I'm the next one leaving.. But I couldn't help but wonder who planned out how long we were going to be in school and living with our families and if they realized that the timing is perfect. My boyfriend for example, I know for a fact that even though he always said he wanted to get out of high school so fast and just get away to college at the beginning of his senior year but, he wasn't ready. No one is ever ready. You people out there that graduated early, good luck, because there's no way you're ready. But now, after his last year and last summer officially at home I know he's ready, I know he's strong enough and I know most importantly that he knows he's ready for this. So what the freak right? How do you plan something like that out? Was it just random like some dudes with mustaches got together and decided how long they were going to put kids in school for? Just until they were 18? But who even decided 18 was old enough to be an "adult?" How the heck do you plan out something so perfect and yet everyone thinks it's the most retarded thing on the planet? School. For 12 years. 13, including kindergarten. 14 including pre-school! And yet, at the end of everyone's (or at least the intelligent one's that learned to grow) senior year, they're ready. I hope I'm ready.. because at this point I'd love to just stuff myself in one of Michael's suitcases and just live in his dorm for a year. Because honestly, going through this school day without him felt like I was just a ghost going room to room not really feeling anything just becoming more numb to the pain I felt in my heart and my gut and my soul of him not being with me to hold my hand physically and emotionally. But.. I know I have to make it through this year and I know we will. And after it all, we'll both be stronger individually and as us. And then, if I get accepted, we'll start a new chapter of our lives together. After all, I guess this was only chapter one of what I hope will be a very long novel. I love you Michael Anthony. I miss you so much already. xoxo

<3